I wish I could go back in time to remember.
I've been self assured for too long now to relate.
My girl has reached the dreaded age of CARING. No, not caring as in caring for others etc. That is good caring.
This caring is the caring of what other little people think and that, well, that is tough for me to try and manage.
It used to be she would wear whatever she wanted if she liked it. It used to be she would never give a second thought to what the other little girls would say.
Then it changed. And my heart feels like it's exploding into a million little shards of glass.
This morning, as I dropped her off at school after the break she quickly threw her hood up to hide the pom-pom on her hat. This was after during the entire ride to school she tried to pull it off the hat. Proceeding to tell me pom poms are for babies (well someone give me a pacifier because I dig them!). They don't look right. They move too much and annoy her head.
I guess I should have just said pick the battle, screw it, wear another one. But it's the warmest hat she has, we are going into a deep freeze and she's wearing a pony for gym today. Her other super tight skull caps don't cut it.
So I insisted. Pom pom or bust.
Bottom line is it isn't the pom pom: she doesn't want to be looked at and judged. In 2nd grade. Because it happens. I've seen it. Makes me ill.
It's times like these I want to just live in a cabin in the woods with little communication with the outside world.
I thought back to this hike. This little slice of our life over the break. The downtime that already feels like a faded memory.
This character hat she wore, even though a wee bit small, she rocked no problem. In the woods. On a hike with her safety net. With those that never would judge her.
But you can't protect them from everything, right?
So instead I will just wait, give her the tools she needs to say who cares what anyone thinks, and hope. Wait. And pray that maybe, someday, she too won't remember what it was like growing up feeling insecure, and will be teaching her kid(s) the same lessons.