Sometimes you don't even know you have a hole until it is filled.
As all of us do at the year's end, I'm reflecting a lot on 2015 and wanted to share my defining moment of the past year in words and images.
It was two Summers ago when me, Emma and Jon all had a moment of clarity while on a beach trip with our close friends, the Dvorscaks. Watching their four children and Emma play was an eye opener. We wanted that for Emma. She wanted it for herself.
So after 8 years of being adamant that 1 was our magic number, we tried for another.
Not many know this, but I was briefly pregnant when my Grandmother Josephine died. It was what they call a 'chemical' pregnancy. Most aren't even aware they are pregnant during this time because it comes and goes so quickly... but I was testing like a hawk and had the 'positive' test to prove it.
On the day of my both Grandmother's wake and funeral I was in fact pregnant. But not a soul other than my husband knew. It was just too early and I didn't want to take focus away from my Grandmother and those celebrating her life.
With every ounce of me, I know that pregnancy was a gift from her for two reasons: to give me hope and show me it can happen and also to ease my pain of losing her.
For you see, on those two days filled with grief and sadness as we mourned her loss, she gifted me with the best 'distraction' one could have- new life.
Sadly my joy was fleeting when the doctor confirmed I was no longer pregnant, but now I really knew I wanted this second baby. It was just further confirmation that this was the right decision for our family.
Then, just a few months later, we got the joyous news that Josephine was on her way.
I was stunned. I never take for granted the miracle of pregnancy- I know too many that have had a long and hard road towards building their family. At 43 I really didn't expect much and had to take on the attitude that if it's God's will, it will happen. Thankfully our miracle baby was part of the overall plan of our life.
2015 will forever be noted in my history of life as the year my life got a complete overhaul.
There really are just a few defining moments in one's life that change it's course forever... some are good, some are painful and not so good and in this case, sometimes the moment is beautiful beyond comprehension.